We’ve all found ourselves on the heel of a breakup: hurting, sad, and lonely. It can be dark times for the newly rejected.
For a while, the idea of being intimate with someone new can be enough to make you crawl back under the blankies and wish you’d never met your ex.
And then the thought creeps in.
“Wouldn’t a little rebound sex make it all better?”
Unfortunately, there’s no easy answer. Rebound sex can help, and it can also hurt.
Read on to find out if getting under somebody is the best way to get over somebody (God, I…
“To love without knowing how to love wounds the person we love.”
― Thich Nhat Hanh
Warning: This is not your average book list.
If you want to skip all the reading (weird, because this is a book list after all), scroll to the bottom to get the entire book list.
For everyone else, read on.
These books have been essential reading on my journey to understanding sexuality, intimacy, love, and relationships. They’ve helped shape me to be the person I am today.
This book list represents books that I routinely reference or read through time and time again. …
Let’s be honest: talking about sex is awkward because no one showed us how. And, that’s too bad.
Porn doesn’t help, and your parents certainly didn’t model how sexy talking about sex can be (and if they did, kudos to them).
Sex education is virtually nonexistent, and it certainly doesn’t include how to navigate consent with courage and clarity, how to talk about your sexual health, or the art of bringing communication into the bedroom.
It’s a shame.
More comprehensive communication and relationship education would undoubtedly lead to higher levels of interpersonal satisfaction, not to mention better sex lives.
Question: My new boyfriend isn’t ready to have sex with me yet; he wants to take things slow.
I’m finding it very hard emotionally because I feel unattractive, and I’ve always valued myself through sex.
What can I do?
It’s normal for you to want people to like you. To a certain degree, we all want people to like us.
Maybe your caretakers never gave you the love and validation you needed growing up, so you seek validation from others to make yourself feel valued and wanted. That makes sense to me.
Or maybe you’re used to being in relationships…
I was 16 years old in 1998. Before the days of online dating. No Tinder, Grindr, or OkCupid. If Craigslist was around, I certainly didn’t know about it.
For me, that meant getting my jollies out the old fashioned way: via AOL chatrooms. Virtual meeting rooms where folks came together to chat about a variety of topics.
There were chatrooms for just about everything, but the most popular ones had to do with sex and porn. People would meet up online, engage in cybersex, organize sex dates, or trade pornographic pictures and videos. I was there for the porn.
Finding emotionally available, secure, and loving people to date is the holy grail of the dating world. Find one of these mystical creatures, and you’re guaranteed smooth sailing until the end of days.
Just kidding. But you’ll have a better chance at a loving relationship with a kind, caring, and respectful person, and you might avoid some unnecessary heartbreak.
It ended over cheap Indian food in the Mission District of San Francisco.
After an intoxicating six-months, she’d had enough of me, my childish tantrums, and my constant desire to process every little thing about our relationship.
She invited me to a restaurant on 16th street (Pakwan, for the locals), we ordered, and she dropped the bomb. She was breaking up with me.
I was completely blindsided, and in hindsight, I should have seen the writing on the wall. We’d started fighting one month in; love-hate was a good way to describe how we acted around each other.
If you’ve never been ghosted, consider yourself one of the lucky few who haven’t experienced what is rapidly becoming the de facto way to exit a dating relationship.
Ghosting is the practice of refusing to respond to texts or phone calls from someone you’re dating or in a relationship with as means of terminating that connection.
In short, it’s ignoring communication from the person you’re dating, hoping they’ll get the hint you’re no longer interested.
And it sucks.
Earlier this year, I posted a short video on TikTok about what to do instead of ghosting, and that video has nearly…
I used to wake up every morning and say, “Fuck.” Before the day even started, I was behind and disappointed in life.
Single for the last four years, I seriously doubted that I’d ever find love. I’d be the celibate love coach, forever destined to help others find love, but having it pass me by at every opportunity.
Rationally, I knew I was worthy of love and that surely there must be someone out there who would want to date me as much as I wanted to date them. …
People want to hook up but don’t want the awkwardness that might come with it — I get it.
I’ve had my fair share of awkward hookups in my day, and while I don’t regret any of them, I wish some of those experiences would have been more comfortable and less nerve-wracking.
And there’s always the risk that it’ll be awkward because, for the most part, sex is awkward, especially with a new partner. You’re essentially going to grind your genitals together in a way that hopefully makes you both feel good. Sounds pretty awkward to me.